I go back to hell

I am heading back to school after all the proclamations i made on the subject of hate for the Institution. but it has become inevitable. You ever felt stagnated, low on ambition yet ripe with thought of where you could be? Or should be? Well, I am at that point in my life. And circumstances have forced my hand. I am as nervous about it as the farmers at Helm's deep were on the verge of battle against the armies of Isengard. For those who did not get that, its an analogy from the sights in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. yet I am also hopeful. I wake up to the thought of it, stay awake in the night thinking of my schedules and spend most of the day hoping that I will find the new friend who will make my life change completely. The key word here being HOPE.

I mean, what are we without hope. I have always feared for what my life might become. I have always wrestled with a fear to be an utter failure. In many ways this reality is more projected on me than the alternate. Yet I dare to hope, dare to believe that there is more for me. they say that the night is only dark till its dawn. So I am not willing to accept that my fate is in this doom. One thing I know is I want better for myself, for my family and for those who will need me in dire times. I need to step up, get off my laurels and fight for a better me.

Varsity made me hate school. I studied more, I put my everything over there. Probably also explains why I played hard, but also might have been my undoing. I left with no honor and now I feel this might be the time to get even with that place. I go back to the place I called hell so I can realize the Utopia that I have always pictured for myself. I hope it works. And this new year, just might be my year of reckoning. So the big leaugues....here I come.