So UG....just so sad

My friend James is an ardent party boy. So you can imagine my shock when he invited me to Bermuda in Wandegeya for a quiet evening of a few cold ones (that’s cool lingo for beer). But that’s not the point. We were to meet up with his mother. When we got there, she had gone on without us. Get this; she had a straw in her bottle. Who does that?
I’ve been in and around Kampala and the things people do can throw you off your course, it is sad. Funny thing is when you try to be square and tell them about the correct way of doing things, you are being a smartass…and no one likes a smartass.
Radio has not taken a lot of my time of late. Must be the busy schedule I have, if you consider sleeping at home busy. Back in the day, I used to follow Sanyu fm and they had a segment they called So UG. It stands for “so Ugandan” if I must add. They would highlight all these things Ugandans do without realizing how wrong they are. It’s only a pity that these things are socially accepted. During one of these segments, it was sighted that Ugandans ask for balance after a transaction instead of change. Ask for change after paying your fare in a taxi and you’ll be looked at with such disdain. I’m sure the whole time the conductor would be thinking, “what in God’s world is going on in your head?”
It goes without saying that this issue goes further than just misplaced wording. We now have new words that are only recognized by the Ugandan system. I happened to have done my school practice at St. Joseph’s Girls Secondary School in Nsambya (oh yeah, I’m supposed to be a teacher). I overheard some students in a heated argument although I cannot remember what it was all about. One of them stormed off but not before she asserted,” I’m conc-sure you are wrong!”  Well until recently, I was among those free spirits that thought I would get away with using ‘conc-sure’. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. I was publicly embarrassed by a rather annoying friend of mine and told to use ‘cork-sure’ from then on.
That’s exactly why I keep telling the people I hang out with to get themselves some white friends (read Caucasian, lest they call me racist). Now I’m one of those guys who pleasure themselves into thinking that my command of the English language is superior to many a fellow’s. So I decide to go out with Jeff, one of my very few Caucasian friends, who had just flown into the country. Drinks are all on him so it is as good as an open bar. I had the right to be obnoxious. I’m served with beer and it does not taste good. With all the arrogance I could gather, I scream out, “Oh my God, this beer is stale!” only for Jeff to cut in with a polite, “you mean, it’s flat.” Not to be a sour grape, I agreed. But it just took me back to the many times I had used ‘stale beer’ and how many of my friends say the same. Turns out the joke were on us. It is not a pretty feeling.
These scenarios are just taken to be common mistakes. Does anyone agree with me if I cry foul and call that the most outrageous thing anyone has ever said? It is a huge understatement. Mistakes are made and corrected, these are made and somehow life goes on. We mock and embarrass ourselves every time and this does not bother anyone in the least bit?! The complacency we seem to pass on to every generation is really unacceptable. It is as good as creating a new language. Joachim Buwembo a columnist with The East African (a weekly newspaper covering mainly east African issues) once wrote that Ugandans speak a language that is in many ways similar to English but is far from English. A classic of this language is the phrase, “you are dry.” It is taken from a Luganda word okwekaza (literally means to dry oneself), meaning many things according to the different situations one gets oneself into. I’m sure many of you Ugandans have used it before so to ask me to explain this is just wrong.
To me, the classic of all these is an out of the blue “Well done!” instead of the usual mugyebale. It is so unexpected that even the biggest culprits of this non formal culture are left aghast and wondering what they are expected to say in response. Enough is said, no need offending someone who might subscribe to this school of thought.
I know that a seemingly petty outburst from me is not going to change the way things work in Uganda. Besides, the world’s cycle has never changed due to a few mistakes made by some rather unintentional jibber jabber from good tax-paying people.  One would think I should know better, I mean, no one likes a smartass.

Those agnostics are onto something....

I have one of those jobs where it is paramount for me to be early. So when I decide to do me a solid and get up early, it is for saving up on my transport costs and also, which should have been the higher priority, to get to my students in/on time. Then all over a sudden it starts drizzling and before you know it, it is a full fledged down pour. That....that gets to me.

I also usually do my laundry on Sunday. Morning, afternoon or evening, I do my laundry on Sunday. I am a lazy bum so I'm always going to do things at my own pace. If I don't feel like cleaning up after myself at a certain point in time, then I won't do it. I'll just wait for the time I get the mood. But get this, when that finally happens,  it starts drizzling and before you know it, it is a full fledged down pour. That....that gets to me.

It is always said that you can't please everyone. One man's meat, is another's poison. Those statements should never have been made up in the first place. God has the power to please every one. Some of us love the rain while the rest of us hate it with a passion. I've often wondered why we suffer under some God sent phenomena yet the very same event has brought immense joy to another.  It does not seem fair that someone somewhere has to suffer over an act of God. Well I wonder if in fact these are an act of God. May be these are things that the big Dude created to take their toll on us at will. We can complain all we want, pray for some things all we want but nothing will always go the way we would like it.

The agnostics believe in the existence of God as the ultimate Higher being above all sorts of E.T dwellings. They also believe that he created us and all that we know. But see, unlike the Christian brethren, Muslim believers and all other dogmatic sects, agnostics seem to take on the notion that irrespective of the fact that our existence is solely because of Him, He does not really care about us. And I have been getting that feeling a lot lately.

Just now, I was about to do my laundry, then it started to drizzle and before I knew it, it was a full fledged down pour. And that....that got to me!!!!

Every man for himself

That seems to be the norm here in Uganda. It is disgusting and it sickens me to the stomach. It is a stupid mentality that is getting me to have the lady of a nigga. The weak emotion...HATE!!! Not so much as hating Uganda but hating the one Power that "bes" and that is His Excellency the President of Uganda. I have seen this man let himself down on numerous occasions that it is no longer plain sad, it is now absurd. This fool has strangely outdone his stupidity time and again that it is complete naivety to get surprised at the strange things he does. I am probably a biased critic because he has wronged me and my profession time and time again but seriously, who does the things that this guy does.

He once said during the time of the Lecturers' strike at Makerere that these educators should not have waited for his cabinet to propose the budget into parliament so as to air out their grievances. Well, as far as I can remember from my university days, these lecturers have gone on strike about their salary increment every beginning of a semester. Yet this fool wants us to believe that he did not know anything about it. Thinking that he can try out his humor tactics so as to get us off point, he instead infuriated the whole country when he asked them to go rare goats. He is so stupid, his life is a line straight out of a "Yo Momma" joke.

Now we are having the teacher crisis and this fool wants us to just go on without an increment well knowing how much the cost of leaving is eating at us. A 20% increment is all that is being asked for yet the law allows for as far as 40% increment with all the changes taking place 100% would be the way to go. With total disregard to diplomacy, he goes on to intimidate these good citizens of the country whose work is under appreciated and is actually getting harder because of the poor policies of his (Museveni) government. We have gone to the dogs because of him and the sooner he gets out of State House the better we all will be.

People often say that teachers are cry babies and need to take responsibility for their predicament. For some it might be true but this is not entirely true. We've been asked to set up Saccos and save our money. A  teacher is one of the most underpaid civil servants. Where are they goin to get the money to save if they can barely make ends meet with what they have. It is ludicrous to even suggest that it is the teachers letting themselves down. No one in the higher places sems to be on their side. Even the opposition MPs crying foul on our behalf are almost doing it as an act of Civil Disobedience to foster their ambitions of getting in power.

 The system is broken.  And it is the perfect embodiment of the name of my blog: We Are Neanderthals

I am finally the fool!!!

We have always been asked to do due diligence whenever something is up and seems too good to be true. If by "we" I am overstepping my sphere of intended receipt of knowledge then I guess I should make this more personal. I am a school teacher currently between jobs. That is fancy jibe for "I am out of work". But I must say this was of my own making. I was working at a drama free school where going to work was such a joy. Then a big opportunity came in and promised more work but that came along with added incentive....more money. God knows I was never going to pass out on that. I need to make that next step in my life and that is seeing more money pile up in the bank. So I quit, since the job was in the bag. I had done the interview, I had passed it, I had drawn up plans and all. Then the the cat and mouse game started. "You are the best candidate but let us check some others out", "We are failing to synchronize your timetable with the official school schedule","Can you give us more time than this?" I should have read the signs. My house of cards was falling down. I said to myself,"This is how it all ends." They did the "don't call me. imma call you" routine and this was eating at me. I should never have quit before confirmation because I have been waiting and writing this blog explains to you all that this is me giving up. Time to look elsewhere. Only thing that worries me is that it has only been a month and my savings have almost given out. We live for the taking just like the stone age. May be we need to change or may be, I need to change. I feel real stupid right now.

You are not the boss of me

Yes, no....may be, I don't know. Can you repeat the question. Those are the very first lyrics of the famous They Might Be Giants track that was well known as the theme song of Malcolm in the Middle. A series about a wacko family with the one person supposed to be sane only a stubborn know it all who should have been told that no one likes a smartass. But thats is besides the point, the thing is I am here on this forum to assertively inform everyone that I am going to look at any kind of authority as a tool to suppress the creativity and henceforth the well being of the serf. I had never in my life dreamt of being conventional because God knows we are not going anywhere if convention is our holy grail. All uit does is stagnate us and make us as docile as the drugged schizo after 9pm. I am sick of it and I am getting out. Heck, I have wanted out for a while now and shame on me for having stayed in because I took away from myself. So to all those who think you have a thing on me, I'll say this...do what you will but get one thing straight, YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!

We are neanderthals: I can't shoulder all the blame

We are neanderthals: I can't shoulder all the blame: Just last night I got into a little trouble when I told everyone that my big sister can not hold her liquor. Well it was not all bad in the ...

I can't shoulder all the blame

Just last night I got into a little trouble when I told everyone that my big sister can not hold her liquor. Well it was not all bad in the beginning. Actually a great number of the ninjas around me agreed that she needs to see someone...that it was or is crucial. Only problem came in when much later in the night, one bugger comes in and thinks it is "tell all" night. Mr. McCan't Shut Up goes on to call my sister to tell her how much fan we are having and starts saying things he shouldn't have. Now partly it is my fault, good friends do not let one make drunken calls. I'm sure it is in the Bible somewhere. So my sister is furious and all. She calls me spitting fire and then my Darwinian senses just struck like a juggernaut into a wall. I instinctively threw my drunk fool of a friend under the bus like it was second nature to me. I completely turned things around on him making him the villain just so I would face my sister without having one of those weird moments where it is just the two of you and you can't even look at each other. Come to think of it, it is second nature to me...I have done this before, and I always have. And the sooner others evolve to that level the better they cam maneuver in their little lives.

Will I ever win?

It is never a good sign if you hesitate at anything. It in a way means you are not sure if you can go through with whatever it is you are doing. See that is the thing, Once you hesitate, there are a million others who would have done what you were trying to do in a heartbeat given whatever situation you are facing. Why is that? Because this is a struggle and we are all trying to do whatever it takes to be something other than the meagre being that is ourselves. We want to be CEO's, Presidents, Big names...hell, some of us even want to be drug lords. But it all comes down to who is willing to risk it all. Who is willing to make a case for themselves even in the midst of major ass kicking adversary. Are you? Well show the world that you are not going to get wiped off the face of this earth in the history books. Make this the beginning of your timeline